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AIRPORT SECURITY SEIZES ONE-MILLIONTH PAIR OF NAIL CLIPPERS
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WASHINGTON, DC – Touting the effectiveness of federalized airport security services, the
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Potentially lethal nail clippers confiscated by security forces
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Transportation Administration Secretary, whatever his name is, recently reported the seizure of the one-millionth pair of nail clippers. Explaining the Administration’s goal of combining customer satisfaction with increased security, the Secretary said he personally gave an Orlando woman a prize for being the subject of that one-millionth confiscation.
“We gave her a nice new set of steak knives and sent her off happily on her flight home,” the Secretary reported.
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Cordless drill gift fits harmlessly in airplane overhead compartment
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“The security guys really think of everything these days,” said another traveler whose tweezers were confiscated by guards, “the cordless drill they gave me fit perfectly in the overhead compartment.”
The prizes are part of an effort by the Administration to improve its image with the nation’s travelers. One lucky traveler said the Secretary gave him a new watch after the loudly ticking device labeled “doomsday clock” on his carry-on bag stopped working. “Thank god they gave me a new timer, I mean clock,” the man said. “I’m really starting to enjoy air travel again.”
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