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BAR OWNERS REMEMBER BUSH’S ALABAMA GUARD SERVICE
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MONTGOMERY, AL – Spend one night listening to Johnny “Bubba” Beachum, owner of one of Montgomery’s favorite watering holes, and you’ll no longer doubt that George Bush lived in Alabama in the early 70’s.
“He went drinking in his flight uniform,” recalled Beachum, attempting to dispel rumors that Bush never served in the Alabama Air National Guard. “Always buying shots and trying to convince women to join the ‘mile high club.’ That son of a bitch wanted to fly worse than anyone.”
“George loved chasing skirts,” remembered another nightclub owner. “He would call women ‘bogeys’ and chase after them using fighter pilot talk – you know, like he was still on duty. You don’t see anyone take military service that seriously anymore. George was one hell of a patriot.”
Bush’s friends in Alabama scoffed at the notion Bush used family connections to avoid serving in Vietnam.
“George really wanted to be in Vietnam,” said Bush’s former “wing man” in the bar hopping sense of the term. “He longed for the drugs, alcohol and the hot little Asians that were running around over there. Being stuck in the heart of the Bible Belt was hell.”
With so many eyewitnesses emerging, even Democrats have been forced to admit that the evidence of Bush’s service is overwhelming.
“I didn’t believe it until now,” Sen. John Kerry said while taking a break from interviewing interns at the Playboy mansion. “But, if they can prove that Bush picked up his paychecks and drank regularly, he must have been there. It’s the same thing he’s done since he’s been in Washington.”
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