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BOB JONES UNIVERSITY TO SECEDE FROM UNION
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GREENVILLE, SC – Following the Supreme Court’s recent decision protecting the right of homosexual adults to engage in consensual sex in the privacy of their homes, Bob Jones University announced it will secede from the Union. The school also announced that all future correspondence should be directed to the Christian Republic of Bob.
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Bob Jones III: Odds are you won’t be invited to dinner at his house
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“They’re seceding again?” a leading constitutional scholar asked when told of the announcement. “They’ve done this now for, like, thirty some Supreme Court decisions and at least five Presidential elections.”
“Sometimes I really miss Janet Reno,” he added.
In its first official act, the theocratic government of the Christian Republic of Bob issued a proclamation giving the following people “until sundown to leave the area: All Liberal Whites, Moderate Whites, No-Too-Crazy Conservative Whites, Pro-Choice Advocates, Gun Control Advocates, Subscribers to the Advocate, United Nations Supporters, Athletic Supporters, Interracial Lovers, Animal Lovers, Unrelated Lovers, Rappers, Rap Fans, Sex Educators, Fornicators, Condom Makers, ACLU Members, Yankees, Hispanics, Asians, Indians, Pacific Islanders, Blacks, Eskimos, Mongol Hordes, Democrats, Non-Fox News Media Members, Dancers, Drinkers, Gamblers, Residents of Massachusetts, Gays, Lesbians, Methodists, Preachers of Tolerance, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Catholics, Mormons, Buddhists, Taoists, Muslims, Hindus, Jews and Canadians.”
“Oh, oh, wait a minute,” a spokesman for the Christian Republic of Bob said, discussing the announcement on Fox News, “grab a pen, and right about there,” he said pointing to the proclamation, “just add ‘and all the other undesirables’ to the end of the list.”
“I can’t believe we forgot that.”
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