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FLEISCHER REVEALS BUSH AS ‘CAPED CRUSADER’
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ALEXANDRIA, VA – Addressing questions in a recent interview about the Bush Administration’s continuing failure to find Osama Bin Laden, Mullah Omar and Saddam Hussein, among others, former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer told reporters the President is a “caped crusader” who will prevail in the end against his archenemies.
“I don’t question the President’s commitment to fighting evil at all,” Fleischer said, “although I do find it a little weird when he wears his cape in the White House situation room.”
“It’s ridiculously big on him,” Fleischer added.
Asked if he believed the President thought himself a heroic crime fighter like a modern-day Batman, Fleischer admitted he had wondered if the President thought he was Batman.
“The President went through a phase where he would call Marine One the ‘Bat-Copter,’ and we (the White House staff) just thought he was joking, but then he started talking all the time about finding Bin Laden’s ‘secret lair.’ We were worried he would slip further, but he kind of slowed down when couldn’t decide whether Bin Laden or Hussein was the Joker.”
“Does that make him crazy?” Fleischer asked rhetorically. “I don’t know. I never saw him wearing tights if that’s what you mean. And the only time he would talk about flying was after he did a ton of blow, so that doesn’t mean anything.”
“You also have to consider the alternatives,” Fleischer continued. “You don’t even want to know about the freaky stuff Cheney says before he heads off to his ‘undisclosed location’ – which is really just his house in the suburbs if you’re wondering.”
Even so, the President’s “caped crusader” persona proved the final straw in Fleischer’s tenure as Press Secretary, as Fleischer recalls finally breaking down and asking the President if in fact he thought he was a superhero.
“I’m not crazy if that’s what you mean,” the President angrily responded while fiddling with his utility belt, “I’m on a mission from God, that’s all.”
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