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MAP READING MISTAKE BY BUSH LEADS TO AIR RAID ON IOWA
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DES MOINES, IA – Standing in the still-smoldering rubble of the Des Moines Farmer’s Market, the survivors wondered how this could have happened in modern America. According to Pentagon officials, the destruction occurred after a map-reading mistake by President Bush led to an early-evening air raid on suburban Des Moines.
“We were in the White House situation room discussing how to deal with resurgent Taliban fighters in Afghanistan when the President pointed to the big wall map and demanded that an attack be launched immediately. We could see he was pointing toward Iowa, not Afghanistan, but he’s the Commander in Chief, so what could we do?” one Air Force General explained. “I’m just glad Iowa surrendered before we had to start carpet bombing.”
Several other midwestern states also surrendered as a preventive measure.
While apologizing to families of the dead Iowans, White House press secretary Scott McClellan defended the innocence of the President’s mistake, noting that both Afghanistan and Iowa are smallish, land-locked regions that could be easily confused on a map.
McClellan also apologized to the family and supporters of the late Vermont Governor Howard Dean who was speaking at an event on the grounds of the Des Moines farmer’s market when the raid occurred.
Extending sympathies to the victims and their families, Democratic Presidential hopefuls Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) and Gen. Wesley Clark also praised Governor Dean for his bravery in defending the Des Moines Farmer’s Market to the bitter end. Sen. Kerry remarked he “never could have guessed Gov. Dean would perish honorably in combat so many years after he and President Bush skipped out on Vietnam.”
Former Vice President Al Gore was last seen trying to buddy up to his old running mate, Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-Conn), who is said to have responded by kneeing Gore in the groin.
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