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OFFICIAL MILE-HIGH CLUB MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS LOWERED
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CINCINNATI, OH – Acknowledging that airlines have turned to smaller jets for most domestic flights, the official arbiter of Mile-High Club membership rules, Hustler magazine, announced lower admission standards for its “Basic” membership. Admission standards remain unchanged for “Premier” memberships.
“Because one would have to be a yogi, or perhaps an elf or midget, to possibly have sex with another person in the bathroom of one of these new smaller aircraft,” a Hustler spokesman explained, “the presence of another person during sex will no longer be required.”
“The lower membership requirements are also designed to ensure that the Club complies with body size and inflexibility accommodations required by the ADA,” he added.
“The mile-high altitude requirement will remain in effect, however, for all membership levels,” the spokesman continued, “We can’t have every guy who orders Cinemax from a high-rise hotel room saying he’s a member.”
An airline spokeswoman was enthusiastic about the new membership rules. “We have been quietly lobbying for this for years. It really was a nightmare before. We’ve had to use the ‘jaws of life’ to get couples out of the bathroom, and we’ve been even sued for injuries.”
“With the new rules,” she explained, “we’ll really only have to worry about the pilots. When those guys start hitting the airplane bottles, they always want more than ‘Basic’ membership.”
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