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PENIS ENLARGEMENT SPAM E-MAILER OPENS ANONYMOUS TIP-LINE
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MIAMI, FL – Facing increasingly unreliable spam e-mail lists along with tough new anti-spam measures, penis enlargement pill maker VP-RX last week unveiled an anonymous tip-line through which VP-RX hopes to build a reliable, legitimate marketing database.
VP-RX hopes the tip-line will inspire millions of disgruntled women to turn in the names, addresses and, if VP-RX is lucky, credit card information of men they hate, or who at least might have a need for VP-RX’s products. With that information, instead of sending generic spam e-mails asking men if they would like a “bigger dong,” VP-RX will send personalized e-mails informing recipients that their small members have been reported and that VP-RX can help.
Early indications are that the plan is working brilliantly. With pissed-off ex-wives and girlfriends leading the charge, millions of men have been reported on the new, anonymous tip-line as having astoundingly small penises.
“America is crying out for penis enlargement,” concluded one VP-RX spokeswoman.
Whether the reports of tiny penises have statistical relevance is another question altogether according to scientists. “It’s been difficult to collect accurate data from the call transcripts because of the laughter,” noted Dr. Sharon Lewinsky, leader of Harvard University’s acclaimed penis-length research team, “although my team has confirmed that many males apparently double the actual length of their members when describing them to others.”
“We don’t do much with science,” a VP-RX product developer deferred when asked to comment on Dr. Lewinsky’s research, “but our sales have, um, risen more than two hundred percent since the tip-line program began.” VP-RX expects to see further revenue growth once, per caller requests, VP-RX unveils its line of “how to” manuals designed to teach men how to use their equipment to give actual pleasure to women.
Though pleased VP-RX will offer the manuals, Dr. Lewinsky said that, based on her research, she doubts men will ever read the manuals, or any other directions for that matter, before doing anything, much less before having one or two minutes of sex and then falling into a deep sleep unaware of their unsatisfied partners.
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