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RIAA OPENS COMPETING FILE SHARING NETWORK
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BURBANK,
CA – In a stunning reversal of policy, the
Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced
it has started its own peer-to-peer network to compete
against Kazaa and others. RIAA President Kari Sherman
promised a network that would blow away all the
other programs currently available.
“Until now illegally downloading songs has
been fraught with risk and difficultly,”
she explained to an eager audience at Princeton
University. “You might record the wrong song,
get a virus or even get sued. But the RIAA has seen
the error of its ways. Instead of using cash reserves
built on decades of inflated CD prices to prosecute
people and ruin lives, we've decide to use the money
to create the best peer-to-peer network available.”
“In honor of the virility, power and vigor
of the youth market that makes up the majority of
file sharers,” she smiled sweetly, “we’ve
decided to name this service 'Trojan Horse.' And,
in a better effort to serve you and your interests,
we’ve created a very detailed sign up process
that will allow us to determine who you really are
and what kind of music you really like.”
Reaction from the students was ecstatic. “Man, this is like so cool,” exclaimed Polish Literature major Biff Jefferson, III. “I love that they picked a condom company for the name. It makes me feel, like so potent or whatever she said.”
“I love all the special features,”
freshman Pre-Law student Mary Peoples cooed. “There’s
even this one page on the sign-up screen which asks
for my address for 'service of process.' That's
so awesome! Although it’s been like two days
now and they still haven't served me with any songs.”
“It's about time a service prioritized downloads
based upon your parent’s net worth,”
19 year-old billionaire's son John Perot gushed.
“All I had to do was click a button saying
my parents are responsible for my actions, and all
of a sudden every song ever recorded was right at
my fingertips. I can't wait until they come out
with a service like this for porn.”
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