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SCHWARZENEGGER GROPING FOR ANSWERS TO CALIFORNIA BUDGET CRISIS
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SACRAMENTO, CA – After declaring a fiscal emergency last month to little avail, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted yesterday that he is groping for answers to the State’s budget crisis.
Socialite Paris Hilton, who was groped by Schwarzenegger at a party two days ago, said she didn’t have any answers to California’s budget problems,
although she was flattered Schwarzenegger would come to her while groping for answers to such important problems.
Schwarzenegger explained that, when he didn’t see the answers in Hilton’s latest video, he figured she must have them in her pocket or something, so he owed it to the State of California to look further. “He was very thorough,” Hilton cooed while flashing the crowd.
Nicole Richie, Hilton’s co-star on the “Simple Life,” said Schwarzenegger also groped her for answers, but that he (along with everyone else) seemed very surprised when she actually suggested a number of answers to California’s budget problems.
“I learned a lot on the ‘The Simple Life,’” said Richie, adding that she had never been interested in politics until former President Clinton groped her for answers during her stint in Arkansas filming the show.
“I’ll be back,” promised Schwarzenegger.
Noting that Schwarzenegger has yet to grope even one man in his search for answers to the State’s budget problems, the National Organization of Women (NOW) has accused Schwarzenegger of using his groping for answers routine as an excuse to feel up women.
“I only grope women as a tribute to their superior intelligence,” Schwarzenegger countered while carefully moving away from a gathering of nearly androgynous NOW protesters. “I’m an advocate for women,” Schwarzenegger explained, “or at least for the hot ones.”
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