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TEENAGER FINDS NORTH KOREAN NUKES ON ‘eBAY’
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TAMPA, FL – Federal law enforcement officials today are hailing as a hero a local teenager who discovered several North Korean nuclear weapons for sale on the popular eBay auction website. The teenager reported his discovery to police late last night and eBay closed the auction early this morning at the FBI’s request.
“I was searching for camping equipment,” the teenager said, explaining his discovery, “but when I clicked on ‘Swiss Army Knife,’ I found ‘nuclear weapons’ right there in the ‘matching categories’ section.”
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North Korean weaponry found on eBay when searching for General Tso’s Chicken
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While lauding the teenager’s vigilance in reporting the discovery to police, foreign policy experts say the manner in which he made the discovery raises a number of troubling questions about the effectiveness of our nation’s security apparatus.
“This is not something we overlooked,” assured Condolezza Rice, National Security Advisor to President Bush. “Its just that we searched for ‘nucular’ weapons, as the President is fond of saying, not ‘nuclear’ weapons.”
“This is a potent reminder of the craftiness of (North Korean leader) Kim Jong-Il.”
Laptop-equipped reporters quickly questioned Rice’s explanation, noting that searches done during the press conference revealed just how brazen North Korea has become in listing dangerous weapons for sale on e-bay.
“I just searched for ‘llamas’ and found North Korean missiles in the matching categories,” one reporter said in challenging Rice. “I get the same thing searching for ‘rice.’”
“I found ‘weaponized anthrax’ listed under ‘stationary,’” another reporter added. “And, surprise, when you search for ‘howitzer’ you find a howitzer.”
“On grounds of national security,” Rice said struggling to regain control of the press conference, “I’m going to insist that none of you enter search terms for Halliburton, Harken Energy, the Texas Rangers, or Anna Nicole Smith.”
“We will let you know more,” Rice added, “just as soon as (CIA Director) George Tenet agrees to take the blame for all this.”
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