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TROOP BUILD-UP CONTINUES ALONG CANADIAN BORDER
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BUFFALO, NY – As the U.S. troop build-up continued in northern Minnesota and Maine and in western New York, Canadian Prime Minister Jacques Chretien again denied U.S. allegations that Canada has weapons of mass destruction. “We don’t even really have guns,” Chretien told reporters, “Bush must be up for re-election soon or something.”
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Chretien reiterates that Bush must be ‘a moron’
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Despite Chretien’s denials, Fox News reported the Bush Administration has discovered extensive documentation showing Canada’s long history of hostile intent toward America. “Those documents are from a museum about the War of 1812,” an exasperated Chretien explained, “For God’s sake people, do you really watch Fox News?”
“We’re rounding up everyone named ‘Benedict’ or ‘Arnold’ as we speak,” a spokesman for Attorney General John Ashcroft’s office told reporters.
A Bush Administration official, undaunted by Chretien’s excuses, explained the recent buildup. “We moved troops to our northern border in preparation for a possible invasion of Canada,” he said, “after geological studies showed that, despite their friendly outward appearance, our northern neighbors have vast underground formations that could hold either weapons of mass destruction, or a shit-load of oil. We kind of hope it’s a shit-load of oil.”
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