BUSH CHALLENGES RICHARD CLARKE TO DUEL FBI FILES SHOW KERRY WAS JUST AS BORING THIRTY YEARS AGO AL-QAEDA CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR AIR FORCE LOSS IN NCAA TOURNAMENT METEOROLOGIST CALLED RACIST FOR WARNING ABOUT ‘BLACK’ ICE DR. KEVORKIAN’S SOCIAL SECURITY SOLUTION: CUT SENIORS, NOT BENEFITS STEWART RELYING ON PEOPLE SHE PAYS TO TESTIFY IN HER DEFENSE HINDU EVANGELISTS WORK TO CONVERT AMERICAN COWS CDC RESEARCHERS REPORT ‘JUNGLE FEVER’ EPIDEMIC NEXT-GEN MOBILE PHONES TO HAVE ANGRY WOMAN CALLER ID INTERCEPTED ‘BINGO NIGHT’ CHATTER LEADS TO AIRPORT SHUTDOWN FCC CHIEF TO PERSONALLY HANDLE JACKSON’S BREAST ISSUE REAGAN LETTERS REVEAL THAT ‘RISK’ GAME HELPED AVOID WAR WITH SOVIETS FASTOW NEARS PLEA BARGAIN, ENDORSEMENT DEAL WITH SLAZENGER DEAN TRIES RANTING AGAIN, THINKS VOTERS NOW LOVE HIS ‘DEANMENTIA’ BUSH OFFERS FIRST AID KITS TO 43 MILLION UNINSURED AMERICANS BUCHANAN GIVES SURPRISE ENDORSEMENT TO SHARPTON FOR PRESIDENT DEAN SHOWS SIGNS OF CRACKING, CALLS HIMSELF ‘THE GREAT CORNHOLIO’ BUSH VOWS TO PUT THE ‘FUN’ BACK IN FUNDAMENTALIST REPUBLICANS REALITY SHOW TO DETERMINE NEW THIRD MEMBER OF AXIS OF EVIL SADDAM HUSSEIN TO APPEAR ON ABC’S EXTREME MAKEOVER TRIAL LAWYERS PLAN MASS ‘SLIP AND FALL’ TO PROTEST TORT REFORM NOW THAT ECONOMY IS REBOUNDING, BUSH TAKES CREDIT PUBLICITY-HUNGRY MOCKINGWORD BEGGING TO BE SUED MONKEYS CHALLENGE HUMAN VIEWS ON EVOLUTION, RELIGION SPIKE TV TO AIR LESBIAN REALITY SHOW TRAFFIC COURT JUDGE FINDS COULTER INCOMPETENT TO STAND TRIAL WAL-MART SUPERSTORES TO OFFER DISCOUNT OUTPATIENT SURGERY FAKE ARTICLE LEADS TO REAL RESEARCH GRANTS FOR FELLATIO STUDY BUSH SAYS TERRORISTS UNAWARE OF WEAK SECURITY AT SEAPORTS BLACK ENTERTAINMENT TV TO CREATE REALISTIC WHITE DOLLS BATHROOM USERS UNITE AGAINST LOW-FLOW TOILET REGULATIONS TOUCHDOWN JESUS THREATENS TO RETURN IF LOSING CONTINUES STRAYER UNIVERSITY’S FIRST VALEDICTORIAN ‘SHOCKED’ AT LACK OF JOB OFFERS GREENPEACE CONFIRMS UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER OF FRANCE LAW FIRM SUMMER CLERK PROGRAMS RUINED BY ‘TUCKER MAX WANNABES’ SOURCES SAY BUSH PROPOSED WMD "LOANER" PROGRAM THEFT OF MORE THAN $100 MILLION NOT A CRIME ANYMORE PROTESTERS QUIT PETA AFTER RUNNING OF THE BULLS GREENSPAN MANIPULATING ECONOMY 'JUST FOR FUN' RED WOLF UNHAPPY WITH REINTRODUCTION TO WILD GANGSTA OR WANKSTA? WHITE MIDDLE-AGED RAP FANS STUDIED MYSTERIOUS BLOB MAY ACTUALLY BE "THE BLOB" BUSH DENOUNCES GAY MARRIAGE; STEPHANOPOLUS REDECORATES HOME VATICAN SLAMS GAY MARRIAGE; OKAYS GAY SEX WITH PRIESTS HUMAN SHIELD SEARCHES FOR MEANING AFTER IRAQ NEA CLAIMS GRAMMAR IN RAP MUSIC "NOT GOOD"
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